This week's been all over the place.

This week felt like a big blur.

Too many things happening all at once.

It's the most tiring week I've had since forever.

I don't even know if I'm more physically drained or emotionally drained.

Knocked out solid last night.

I usually can't and won't sleep till I've washed my hair, but last night was a complete different story.

I just knocked out without even washing up. Hahahaha.

Let's just start with the fact that, I'm officially moving into my new home in exactly 3 weeks time. 

The first thought of moving, the looking of houses, the decision & the confirmation of house, were all done in 3 days.

Much wow.

I'm going to miss my current apartment, quite a bit.

Afterall I've known this place for 11 years & this has been home. 

But then again I'm excited 'cause new room means I get to redesign my room. 

Plus, it is half the distance away from school/town! :)

There's so much to throw out and so much to pack!

I should go start now.

Less than 6 weeks to 10 days of summer anyway!

Can't wait to spend time my babyboy, my family & my friends :)

Can't wait to eat a shite load of food and to party of arse off too. Heehee.

xoxo,

Simaling

Swimming thru sick lullabies.

Once again I find myself being afraid of losing something that isn't even mine.
& it's not that it's never been hard but it's never been this hard.

I guess that's what you get when you finally decide to stay in touch with your emotions rather than constantly blocking out.
I used to be a master at blocking. Now I pretty much can't even when I want to.
Good? Maybe. Bad? Def not. So where does that align.

It's Tuesday morning,
I overslept.
'Cause 12½h Monday wore me out so bad.
Typed out a whole chunk but deleted them.
So many things to say but can't seem to find the right words now.
So I guess I'll leave it till next time.

I miss you A, so very much.

xoxo,

Simaling

I hope you don't just choose her on Saturdays but on Friday nights too.
If you can't choose her on both days or for a matter of fact, all day everyday, then don't choose her at all 'cause she obviously deserves someone better than you.
But apart from all that being said, from the depths of my soul & even from the ugliest part of me, I hope that neither of you will have to ever experience this.

xoxo,

Simaling

If I May

I should really be asleep now but I felt like blogging before I slept so I shall :)

It's been exactly a month since I made a promise to myself.
To embark on this emotionally tough & draining journey.
& I must say, I have no regrets.

This month has been nothing but productive & it's helped me a lot in terms of learning and realizing the many things I've never realized about myself & the things around me.

And 4 days ago, I found what I was looking for and the main reason why I decided to go thru this :)
But the journey won't stop just there 'cause it's made me realize so much more and I just wna keep learning and experiencing all that this and life has to offer.

I admit, being back home here where I find the most comfort, has definitely helped a heck load.
Just for the record, living alone is probably the most therapeutic thing ever.
Most people would see if as being lonely after awhile, but all living alone has done to me is help me realize how much I love being on my own.
May not exactly be a good thing 'cause no man's an island but I am definitely enjoying every moment of it.
Not to mention, it really helps me keep my emotions in check ;)
Which is ultimately what I really need.
(Trust me tho, as much as I love living here alone, I miss my family, so much more than I'd ever expect myself to. Sometimes I think I miss them just as much as I miss my babyboy, which if anyone needs to know, is my world.)

Y'know how they say how time will heal and how time will reveal?
That my friend, is nothing but the truth.
Things you never thought you could let go of, once you find within yourself to not be afraid to lose it, you will slowly learn to let go.
I will not lie and say it doesn't hurt or that sometimes it doesn't feel like someone dug their hands into your ribs and ripped a piece of your heart out, but what I will say is that the ability to feel pain is what makes you humane and not just another human being.
Same as the debate between empathy & sympathy.
But trust me, that sense of freedom and that weight off your shoulders as a reward, that only comes with time & it might just be one of the most pleasant ways to reward yourself.
You might surprise yourself like the way I surprised myself.

I should stop rambling and actually head to sleep now.
Can't wait for class tomorrow!
G'night & hope everyone had an amazing Wednesday <3

xoxo,

Simaling.

About Time

"I just try to live everyday as if I've deliberately come back to this one day to enjoy it as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary ordinary life."